On hold

Feel free to ignore my rants. I'm cranky, bitter and just plain annoyed right now.

Yesterday, I called my doctor to find out what my next step is. Unfortunately, it's the HSG which is going to cost me $765. The day was bad enough and the lady in scheduling just put me over the edge- I broke into tears. Previously- I had been told it would be about $400, but that very clear on the fact that there is a hospital fee AND their fee. She made me feel stupid and made it sound like I had some kind of infectious disease that she might catch just by talking to me.

I did some calling around and found out that there are some other places that would be slightly cheaper. I called back to ask if my doctor could just send the order to one of the other facilities and they called me back today to say that they can not. They only write the order for their facility. If I want to have it done somewhere else, I need to find another provider who can do that. So, I'd have to pay a consultation fee of $300 just about everywhere else and then the cost for the HSG.

I can't justify spending that much money right now. At the moment, we're paying for a wedding in August. In the future, I am struggling with ever being able to spend that much because I have 2 kids that I have here now that I need to provide for. They have everything they could want/need- but there's extras. The HSG alone is half of a 5 day stay at Disney for us. Add all the extra meds, ovulation test strips each month and we'd have a trip to Disney in no time.

TTC is definitely on hold for us indefinitely. I have 2 cycles left of Clomid that I can take. I don't want to "waste" them not knowing if my tubes are open. I just have this feeling that if it hasn't worked for us yet, it's not going to. The only positive I can come up with right now is that on 100mg, I just had a 28 day cycle. Even though I had some spotting, it was still not until cd25 which was 10dpo.

Everyone and their brother is also announcing pregnancies lately. I'm happy for them, I really am--but at the same time it just seems like it is everywhere. Every TV show has someone pregnant. I even got an "American Baby" magazine the other day in the mail- what a cruel joke. Oh and there's also the BabyCenter emails that come randomly.  And if one more 17 year old comes into court and says that she needs a PFA to protect herself because she's pregnant and has an abusive "baby daddy", I might just stand up and scream in the middle of the hearing. Infertility can go screw itself. No one should have to try so hard (or even harder with IVF, IUI, and sometimes untreatable infertility), when 15 year olds get pregnant "on accident". *Insert hair pulling here*