17 weeks

It's been 5 weeks since I blogged. I'll blame my lack of blogging on the fact that I'm exhausted after work and on weekends I spend most of my time trying to hunt down maternity clothes or taking naps. I've become incredibly lazy these days.

I'm currently 17 weeks 3 days. At the beginning of this pregnancy, I didn't think I'd make it this far. I'm trying my best not to complain because we prayed and wanted this child so much. Some days, that's difficult though. It's harder being pregnant right now than it ever was with Tyler or Kallie. I'm 7 years older and my body hasn't cooperated this time around so I should expect nothing less. How do people handle not having their first child until they are in their 30's? Maybe it's because they have nothing to compare it to or maybe my body just plain sucks. It's probably the later.

Since it's the Christmas season, we're busy shopping and decorating. I'm finding that I have zero patience for shopping (which is SO unlike me) and I'm ready to go home rather quickly. Last night, we went to the mall to look for maternity clothes. It's like finding a needle in a haystack. I have to wear professional clothing to work- and 90% of the items in stores are yoga pants, oversized t-shirts, etc....things I can't wear to work. We were out for a total of about 4 hours, but that included sitting down to eat and driving to stores. In the last store, the inside of my hips started hurting- pretty much the bikini line area. It was hard to walk and I just gave up and came home. I'm afraid the SPD is going to start early and if that's the case-it's going to be a miserable rest of the pregnancy. I told Chop that it's way to early for me to be waddling, but sometimes that's the only thing that helps with the pain.

My next gripe is that there is NOTHING in stores for a baby that is not pink or blue. Sure, there's gray---but it has pink ribbons on it. Or blue elephants. When I had Tyler and Kallie, we had no idea if they were boys or girls. I had all kinds of outfits for them, and they seem to have disappeared. We basically have no choice but to find out if baby is a boy or girl because he/she would have nothing to wear and I'm a planner- there's no way I could bank on someone else buying something or me being able to get out to the store after the birth to stock up. I need it now! LOL!

Otherwise, things are going well. Work is kicking my butt and I'm exhausted at the end of the day but I have a job with great medical insurance, and I need to keep it. I'm not sure I could handle sitting home all day doing nothing anyway.

My first trimester screening bloodwork came back great! My risk of a child with Down Syndrome was 1 in 650 because of my age. After the bloodwork and ultrasound, my risk is now 1 in 10,000. And he didn't even mention any of the other super scary fatal trisomies, so I'm assuming that risk was incredibly low as well.

I invested in a doppler so I can check on baby. It certainly helps to ease my mind when I don't feel movement or before I could feel movement. Now, I can feel little bumps here and there. Just tiny little bumps. I never felt the 'popcorn' or butterfly feeling that some women say they do. I must not be in tune enough for that- I have to wait until they are undeniable bumps.

Here's the belly at 16 weeks. Excuse the mess of a bed. That little dog you can see under my arm can destroy a bed in no time flat because she likes to burrow under the covers. Dexter (our lab shepherd) doesn't help matters because he then roots through the covers to find Abby and annoy her.

12 week NT scan

This week brought the 1st Trimester Screening scan and bloodwork.

The baby was so uncooperative. First he was face down which is exact opposite of the way that he needed to be in order to measure the nucheal translucency. Finally, he moved but he was then facing us. *Sigh* We did get a front of the face picture:

She measured all the rest of the things she needed- my right ovary is now not visible but apparently that's normal. The left ovary that has the cyst--the cyst hasn't grown so we're in good shape there. It's still around the 3cm mark. *Whew* When she moved back to baby, he was finally on his back! But, the antics weren't finished. He kept kicking off the wall of the uterus and then as he 'pushed away', he arched his back. It was like a game. Every time the tech tried to check the heartrate, he'd do it. Finally, she was able to get a piece of the heartrate to measure and it was 151bpm but I'm not sure how accurate that is. And then he kept his hands up by his face. What a kid. I'm in for it when I can actually feel all this movement going on.

NT looked to be about 1.77 which from what I can find is in the normal limits. Here's hoping my bloodwork comes back with good numbers as well!

After the appointment, I got a call about 4pm. Scared me because I knew they wouldn't have the results of the testing until at least 10 days. The doctor wanted to make sure that I was aware of the partial placenta previa. This doctor seemed more concerned and told me that even having an orgasm could cause problems. Yes, just what I wanted to talk to a doctor about--orgasms, LOL. On restriction until they can check it again at my 20 week ultrasound, unless I have bleeding- which as said before, requires me to go to the ER if it's after hours or call the doc during office hours. Praying it moves because I really don't want to have to worry about abruption for the next 28 weeks.

Happy Halloween!

Yesterday's appointment went great! I feel so bad for complaining about the doctors office for my first experience with them. I think I jumped to conclusions, though I think the idea that you have to pay upfront without insurance is still a bit greedy, especially in this economy.

Click here for how we told Tyler and Kallie

Anyway, we had another ultrasound and we FINALLY have a reason for the spotting. There was no way we would have known before but it's placenta previa! WOOHOO! I've never been so excited to hear something like that, because it means there's a reason and it has nothing to do with baby. For those who aren't OB terminology friendly- placenta previa means that the placenta is covering part of the cervix. This is very likely to correct itself as the uterus grows but the placenta was so small for the past few weeks there was no way they would have been able to see it. I'm on the usual placenta previa restrictions: no sex, no hardcore exercising and no jumping or forceful moves which make put pressure on the placenta/cervix and cause bleeding. If the placenta never moves, I'll be further restricted as time goes but the doctor was very hopeful it would move up, and I'm having a c-section anyway so no worries there.

The ultrasound tech was awesome. She explained everything that she was looking at and let us watch baby for about 3 minutes while he moved. He was very active, and was pushing off my uterine wall with his feet and doing flips. It's so cute now, but in a few weeks- that's going to hurt! LOL! I hadn't even had anything to drink and he was still very active, I think I'm in for a busy baby! Heartrate was 171 bpm. She even checked for the umbilical cord cyst and she told me not to panic, she's seem them quite frequently early on now that ultrasound technology has advanced. She didn't find a cyst anyway so she thinks it's gone away! YAY!

She also showed us baby in 3D. I've seen other babies in 3D, but never my own so I thought this was pretty neat. It's amazing how quickly they grow from a little blob to a tiny human. (This pic has baby's head at the top, a right arm, and a right leg visible.)

I have another ultrasound next week for my first trimester screening so I'm excited to see how much more he's grown and what antics he's up to. I think I can finally start to relax a little bit after I get the results back, but I feel much better knowing why I was spotting.

Halloween Costume!

So, I wanted to make our official announcement (to those not privy to this blog LOL) around Halloween so I thought I would tie it all together.

I think those skeleton baby shirts are cute enough to use so I started looking for one. $20. Twenty.dollars. FOR A SHIRT! Oh hell no, that's not how I roll. I don't spend $20 on a shirt for myself for anything, nevermind $20 on a shirt I'll probably fit into for about 6-8 weeks if I'm lucky.

Me being me, I thought- oh I can totally DIY something. WHAT was I thinking?!? I should add that I did look up some DIY instructions for this because I'm just not crafty enough to figure it out on my own.

I dug out a black shirt that I wore for last Halloween when I was a cat. It's not maternity- but I'm still fitting into my regular clothes so it's perfect. (FREE!)

First, I had to print out the template that I wanted to use and trace that onto freezer paper ($0.50 for the paper and ink that I used, and $3 for a roll of freezer paper--of which I probably used $0.10 worth). I was good with that part. Then, I had to cut it out with an Exacto knife ($3 with coupon at AC Moore). I've never worked with one so I had no idea what I was getting into. Exacto knives don't swivel so you can't cut rounded edges and you have very little control over them even for straight lines. Worst experience of my DIY life. LOL.

I got it all cut out, and slapped it on my shirt. With the use of my handy dandy iron- I ironed the freezer paper to the shirt so that all the edges would stay down. This works wonderfully if anyone ever wants to DIY something like this!

Then started the painting ($1.39 for the bottle of paint- I used half so $0.70). I didn't use fabric paint but I used multi-surface paint which says it works for fabric. I used a spongey brush thing ($.70) to blot it on for the first coat. It was pretty light and you could still see some black through the paint but I let that dry for a little bit. After it had dried enough to stay on- I went back over it again and applied the paint more heavily.

I let that dry for a few minutes and then I started to peel it off so that the paint would not end up adhering to the paper if it stayed on to long. Below is the finished product. I think I am going to add a red heart in the ribs once the white is dried. 

$5 for my whole shirt. Take that Etsy and Ebay!

If we knew the sex I could have added a top hat or bow tie for a boy, or a pink tutu or hair bow for a girl. Maybe I'll add May 2015 across the bottom in pink and blue or something to jazz it up a little? Maybe I should just leave it alone? What do you think?

10 weeks and ANOTHER doctor appointment....

Week 10 brought another 'emergency' doctor appointment. My spotting had turned to more of a red/pink versus the brown/pink it had been in prior weeks. I was highly annoyed and had about all I could handle of it. I kept thinking "What if the baby's heart had stopped and because of the progesterone, my body wouldn't miscarry completely?" I couldn't get this thought out of my head. My nurse is pretty great and got me scheduled for an appointment at the end of the day (my preference).

All day I was annoyed that I have yet to work a full week since I found out I am pregnant. I have had a doc appt every week, with the exception of the one week that I went home sick on a Friday afternoon. By the time I was driving to the appt, I was shaking like a leaf. I wanted Chop to be there with me but he had to stay with Tyler and Kallie. They still don't know and if it was bad news- I didn't want them there for that.

The doctor was great and listened to my worry. I've seen a different doctor each time I've been there for my 'emergency appts'--which is perfectly fine with me since in this practice your doctor does not necessarily deliver. When she first walked in, she introduced herself as Katrina instead of Dr Wyse. I was pretty impressed-there's jsut something about a doctor who goes by her first name.

She said she was going to try to hear the heartbeat, but not to panic if she couldn't find it. Baby is still so small (the size of a baby carrot) and low enough that it may be tricky. As soon as she put the doppler down, there it was. I teared up instantly. The baby's heartbeat is nice and strong, and consistent. She didn't give me a bpm.

Diagnosis: Blood in my urine and a bladder infection. I'm on antibiotic for 7 days, and she has ordered an ultrasound to double check on the spotting.

I have an appointment on Thursday for my regular OB appt, and we're going to have the ultrasound beforehand. Chop's going to go with me so he can get another peek at baby and hear the heartbeat for his first time. The week after, I have another ultrasound scheduled for my first trimester screening to check for Down Syndrome, Trisomy 13 and 18. I'm worried about what they'll find because at the 8 week appt there was an umbilical cord cyst which if it is still present by the end of the first trimester- it's an indication of a serious chromosomal issue. Praying it's gone by the 12 week scan so I can relax a little bit.

Other than the spotting, I feel fine. The only complaint I have is that I'll order something when we go out to eat and as soon as I take a bite- I'm totally turned off. This is some of my favorite stuff I'm ordering- onion rings, mozzarella sticks and a chicken sandwich. Most of the time at home- I end up with carbs because they seem to be the only thing I actually eat. Cereal, spaghetti, french toast, toast, bagels, etc. I've also got a slight cheese obsession too--I dip everything in cheese!

No pregnant woman ever wants to see bleeding...

..and I'm no exception. After 2 miscarriages, even a spot of blood is enough to send me over the edge.

Saturday night I had some beige colored CM. I figured it was just a product of my progesterone. Sunday morning, I woke up with pink spotting on the toilet paper. I freaked. I burst into tears and came downstairs to tell Chop. It was off and on spotting all day, and then my left side started hurting again. I spent all day laying down, my hips started hurting. I thought the worst, and was pretty much a sad mess. I napped, watched TV and read a book all day--what a waste of a beautiful Sunday afternoon.

Monday morning, I woke up and had 2 red spots on the toilet paper. I immediately called my doctor and asked what to do. The nurse gave me a 9am appointment with the midwife. When I got there, I thought for sure my blood pressure was going to be through the roof again. It's been routinely 14x/9x. That's very high for me, I'm usually 110/76. The nurse took my blood pressure with the auto one and it was only 134/87. I was shocked it could be so low when I'm such a wreck. She did it manually and it was 122/83. Even better!

The midwife did a vaginal exam, and said when she neared my cervix to check and bumped it- it started to bleed. She thinks that is where the spotting is coming from. She said it just looks irritated and barely bumping it caused it to bleed. My cervix looks to be closed (didn't feel it because it's already irritated). She also took a swab because of the beige colored 'gunk' she found floating around- thinks it may be a yeast infection from the progesterone. She said the progesterone could be contributing to the irritation as well, or maybe just the act of stuffing them up there is bumping the cervix.

 I'm supposed to rest, take it easy, no sex until the spotting is gone (I havent had sex since ovulation anyway, so no issue there). Of course, go back if I start bleeding heavily and not just on the TP when I wipe. 

I'm still praying this little gummi bear is doing ok. The midwife felt confident that baby was ok and I didn't need another ultrasound since I just had one on Thursday. I can only hope she's right, and that the ultrasound could have also irritated the cervix.

Thanks for all the thoughts and prayers, they are greatly appreciated. I'm sorry I'm such a wreck, I just can't handle going through another miscarriage- especially after it's taken us so long to get this far.

Stupid pain!

Yesterday, I started having this annoying sharp stabbing pain in my left side. It was almost rhythmic and it would be present for hours and then go away for hours. I went to bed early last night because I just got tired of it hurting.

This morning, I called my OB to find out what I could do and she said they wanted an ultrasound to be done. They wanted to rule out the chance that there was a 'twin' that got stuck in my ovary and wasn't visible at the last ultrasound because of it being so early. They scheduled me for a 2pm ultrasound and a 420pm OB appt. The ultrasound techs are amazing here, they have no problem showing you what they are looking at, and make you feel really comfortable even though it's some of the scariest times of a pregnancy.

She did an abdominal scan first, and I could see the little gummi bear but it was hard to make anything out. About the only thing  I could make out of the "blob" was the flickering of the heart. His little heartbeat is beating at 167 beats per minute. Then, she did a transvag and it was much easier to make out. She burned a picture onto a CD for me to bring home. You can see little arm buds and leg buds growing. Amazing how much they change in just 10 days. She's measuring 8w5d, such a little overachiever. ;)

The doctor believes that the pain is coming from the corpus luteum cyst. It grew from 1.5 cm last week to 3c cm. It's likely that the pain is the cyst stretching because they found no free fluid in my uterus to indicate it was leaking. If the pain intensifies, I'm to go to the ER because it goes to 5 cm, it can cause the ovary to twist on itself and that's not good.

She said everything looks good. Baby looks great, no concerns and to keep doing what I'm doing. The only thing I can do for the cyst is to take Tylenol or use a hot pack on it. I'll just struggle through and deal with it- I am just glad to know it's nothing major.

143...the magic number.

We had our 1st ultrasound on Monday, September 29, 2014. I was a nervous wreck which is nothing less than I expected. I got there right on time and got taken back to the room immediately. Chop still wasn't there. The lady asked me if I needed to use the restroom so I said yes, so that I could buy more time. If I was going to get bad news, I knew I needed him to be there. The whole time I was in the bathroom I kept saying in my head "Ugh, he had ONE job. Just ONE job and he couldn't be here on time!" I finished in the bathroom, changed into a gown and put my feet in the stirrups. Just as she was getting ready to do the transvag ultrasound, he came in. *Whew* I felt better.

As soon as she got up to where she needed to be, I saw the gestational sac. *Insert small sigh of relief* Then, I saw our little one. *Insert bigger sigh of relief*. So, we have a gestational sac and we have a baby. The next thing she said had to be the best thing I've heard in a very long time. "Here's the baby's heartbeat flickering". I held back the tears but it was so reassuring. She measured the heartbeat and it was at 143 beats per minute.

I had my first doctor appointment today, which was pretty uneventful. I did ask about my progesterone and the midwife said that she wasn't very concerned that it's still on the low end of normal. Seeing a heartbeat makes it a viable pregnancy and progesterone supplements typically only help in the very early stages. She asked the doctor about it (because she didn't feel that her answer was enough--which really impressed me) and she said that I can double up on my suppositories if I want, it won't hurt. There's no science that says that every single woman has to be above x number. Not every woman is checked so there may be women who are at the same level as I am that miscarry, or women who are lower and have a viable pregnancy. And there's no science that says it's going to help after x amount of weeks. So, I can use 2 until 9 weeks, then drop back down to 1 each night until 12 weeks.

I've also been reading (I know, the worst thing you can do) and many say that suppositories don't always hit your bloodstream because they are being sent directly to where they are needed, the uterus. I am hoping and praying this is accurate at least to some extent. I think I am going to double up. It can't hurt, and at least then I will have known that I did everything I possibly could for this baby. If something is going to happen, it won't be because I didn't try. Right?

I have another appt on October 30 for my regular appt. We will get to hear the heartbeat *God willing!* I will probably be nervous again at that appointment, but I feel better having seen it once already. She would have brought me back in 2 weeks to try, but you can't always hear it with a doppler and she didn't want to cause un-do stress if I was ok with waiting. We'll wait, I don't need more stress. I also have another ultrasound scheduled for Nov 6 for the first trimester screening to check for Down Syndrome, Trisomy 13 and 18. It's a great chance to see baby again.

FINALLY but not without some heartache

This happened September 8, 2014. I took a regular line test in the AM before work, and then stopped on the way home to grab a digital. I put it in a baby sock (was going to use a onesie but they had none that were gender neutral) and handed it to Chop.

The day before he said "You're pregnant" as he has every month for the past 18. I gave him my usual "I am not, please stop". When I gave him the test and sock, he thought I was joking, He thought it was a sticker that I put over the test. Once he finally believed me, he sat down to take a picture of the test for himself. :)

September 11, 2014 I called my doctor and made an appointment for September 22, 2014. An hour later, I started spotting. I had brown spotting for 4 very long days. I called my doctor and begged for an appointment because I knew if my progesterone was low and I waited another week, we wouldn't be having a baby. My cervix was closed and she said everything "felt" good in my abdomen. Sure enough, the labs were drawn and my progesterone came back as 8.1. My HCG is at 7000 though, at only 4w2 days (according to the doc; 4w4d according to my calculation- but either way still pretty high).

I've begun using progesterone supplements to help raise my level and I've not had any spotting since. 100mg once a day and I'll be having my levels checked again on Monday. I'm praying harder than I've ever prayed for this baby to be ok.

Ginger ale and hard candy have become my best friends. I don't have morning sickness and I'm not nauseous but I have the most sensitive gag reflex ever. I could be sitting watching TV and I'll gag for no reason. I feel better when I have a piece of candy in my mouth. The ginger ale seems to help too- maybe it's just the carbonation, I'm not sure.

Less than 48 hours until my next doctor appointment and I'm getting anxious. It's so crazy that we tried and tried for 18 months. The month we get married, we get pregnant. 

CD27? CD28? WHAT?

Usually AF arrives on CD25 or CD26. For me, that's normal without and sometimes even with Clomid. This cycle, I didn't take Clomid and we have a beach trip planned for the end of the week. A short cycle was really going to be great this month because that meant that I don't have to deal with AF while there.

WRONG! Today, I'm on CD28. I only just started with very very light spotting yesterday, and a bit more this morning but still nothing to write home about. This has been THE longest unmedicated cycle I have had since before I had Kallie.

I didn't temp, chart CM or use Ov strips this cycle so I don't know exactly how long my LP is. My guess is that I ov'ed between cd14-16. In that case, THAT GIVES ME A 10-13 DAY LP! That's AMAZING!

Bummed that I'll have AF at the beach but thrilled that my LP has gotten better with less days of spotting. Here's hoping next month is the same way!

2 months

It's been 2 months since I've blogged but I have nothing new to report. Still no BFP despite our best efforts.

The only thing I got this cycle was a really horrible looking carpet of acne across my whole forehead. Seriously it was comparable to a 14 year old boys face. It was AWFUL! Thank you Clomid. First month that has ever happened around ovulation though so I suppose I should consider myself lucky. Sure makes me scared to take it for the 6th and final cycle.

This whole "Affordable Care Act" has made it almost impossible for me to switch doctors. Many doctors don't participate in my insurance so even simple doctor appointments are not covered by them. So, if I want to switch OBGYN's, I am going to need to pay out of pocket for the appointment now. Another added expense to our ever growing list. To get new insurance that more doctors will accept, well...I'll pay $220 a month (which is 1 week of my take home pay) AND still have a $6350 deductible. How is that affordable!? That deductible is 6 months of my pay!

That's my only gripe at the moment. I've been busy with Tyler and baseball practice, Kallie and Girl Scouts, work, and wedding planning (110 days!!). It helps to stay busy to keep my mind off TTC.

My Fortune Cookie Says...

Chop and I had lunch today at the mall while killing some time. I had Chinese and a fortune cookie. 

The Horrible Awful No Good Very Bad Day

At work, someone announced that they are pregnant. I kept it together because I didn't want to look like a lunatic at work bursting into tears. And let's face it, people are going to get pregnant that I know and I'm just going to have to deal with it.

But tonight. Oh yes, tonight 2 sentences from a friend put me into tears in the middle of a happy conversation about my wedding. Tonight I was on Facebook and a friend messaged me about what date my wedding is because her save the date got returned to me and I haven't re sent it out yet. She then goes to say "Ugh, this morning sickness aka all day sickness needs to go away, like now. And I might not make it to the wedding because I'll be giving birth again, 8 days before. LOL." I'm 90% sure she knows we've been trying and unsuccessfully. Is it just me being ridiculous or is that a really awful way to tell someone who you know has been struggling? I don't want pity or sympathy- I know many have it worse, but...I don't know, I guess I wish it would have been handled differently. I just wish she wasn't complaining about it when she told me. All that I could say was "Lucky you." Not a very nice response but at that moment I didn't have it in me to be nice. She went on to ask "Why is it taking so long?" Well gee, I wish I knew.

Why does something like this make a totally rational person on every other level (ok, aside from the vomit phobia), so irrational? I hate being whiny. I hate being jealous. I hate that I seem ungrateful when I have 2 kids already.

I'm calling a new physician tomorrow and making an appointment with them so that I can get the HSG done in payments instead of one lump sum. $165 doc appt and then the HSG will be billed by the hospital and radiologist--no doctor involved in the procedure. I'm to the point where I just HAVE to know. I just NEED to know if I should crumble into a million pieces and work to accept the fact that we'll never have a baby or if I keep getting back on this roller coaster ride month after month.

I am sure tomorrow I'll wake up and realize how horrible I'm being right now- but until then- I'm going to bed.

On hold

Feel free to ignore my rants. I'm cranky, bitter and just plain annoyed right now.

Yesterday, I called my doctor to find out what my next step is. Unfortunately, it's the HSG which is going to cost me $765. The day was bad enough and the lady in scheduling just put me over the edge- I broke into tears. Previously- I had been told it would be about $400, but that very clear on the fact that there is a hospital fee AND their fee. She made me feel stupid and made it sound like I had some kind of infectious disease that she might catch just by talking to me.

I did some calling around and found out that there are some other places that would be slightly cheaper. I called back to ask if my doctor could just send the order to one of the other facilities and they called me back today to say that they can not. They only write the order for their facility. If I want to have it done somewhere else, I need to find another provider who can do that. So, I'd have to pay a consultation fee of $300 just about everywhere else and then the cost for the HSG.

I can't justify spending that much money right now. At the moment, we're paying for a wedding in August. In the future, I am struggling with ever being able to spend that much because I have 2 kids that I have here now that I need to provide for. They have everything they could want/need- but there's extras. The HSG alone is half of a 5 day stay at Disney for us. Add all the extra meds, ovulation test strips each month and we'd have a trip to Disney in no time.

TTC is definitely on hold for us indefinitely. I have 2 cycles left of Clomid that I can take. I don't want to "waste" them not knowing if my tubes are open. I just have this feeling that if it hasn't worked for us yet, it's not going to. The only positive I can come up with right now is that on 100mg, I just had a 28 day cycle. Even though I had some spotting, it was still not until cd25 which was 10dpo.

Everyone and their brother is also announcing pregnancies lately. I'm happy for them, I really am--but at the same time it just seems like it is everywhere. Every TV show has someone pregnant. I even got an "American Baby" magazine the other day in the mail- what a cruel joke. Oh and there's also the BabyCenter emails that come randomly.  And if one more 17 year old comes into court and says that she needs a PFA to protect herself because she's pregnant and has an abusive "baby daddy", I might just stand up and scream in the middle of the hearing. Infertility can go screw itself. No one should have to try so hard (or even harder with IVF, IUI, and sometimes untreatable infertility), when 15 year olds get pregnant "on accident". *Insert hair pulling here*

Fourteen

The magic number to date is 14. 14 cycles of failure. 4 of those failures with Clomid.

I'm finishing up my 1st round of 100mg Clomid. We used PreSeed, I ovulated on cd14, everything was going in the right direction. I was hopeful because my temp was up nice and high and I had creamy CM too. This AM, my temp dropped and I started to spot--on cd25. Yes, I got an 11 day LP with no spotting until now, but knowing that AF is on the way is hard. Very hard. Knowing I only have 2 cycles left of Clomid doesn't make it any easier. I don't know whether I should just ask for something else or just take the Clomid until I can't anymore?

They never called me back about the HSG. Has anyone had it done? Is it even worth spending the money on? It's going to be about $615 to have done. I have contacted some offices that deal specifically with infertility, and am waiting back on quotes from them. I am still seeing my GYN but maybe I need to see an RE or someone who deals specifically with infertility?

It Made Me Laugh

My last cycle ended up being a 24 day cycle. That's a worse cycle ON Clomid than I've ever had when I wasn't taking it! Clearly something went wrong. Likely, the Clomid didn't give me a strong enough ovulation and my progesterone plummetted very shortly after ovulation. I called my doc, who of course would be on vacation for 3 weeks. My doctor's nurse is awesome though and asked another doctor what I should do about the Clomid. The other doctor prescribed me 100mg of Clomid instead of the 50mg I had taken the last 3 cycles. I am to have a follow-up with my doctor once I take this round if it is not successful, and obviously if it is!

So, I was in Wal Mart waiting in this horrendous line for my Rx. The kids were with me so they have to touch everything in site and were screwing around. I finally make it up to the counter, and the pharmacist brings me the meds. He asked the usual questions if I know how to use it, and I said yes. He said "Ah, been there, done that, huh?" I said yep! He then said "Well good luck! And don't forget how to spell RANDY" and he pointed to his nametag. LOL. It made me laugh when all I wanted to do was go take these pills that I'm not happy about having to take to begin with, and after waiting in that line---I needed a pick me up!

Has anyone taken Robitussin to increase CM while on Clomid? If 50mg dried it up, I can imagine that 100mg will be worse. Any other tips or tricks?

Round 4 of Clomid begins tonight!

CD24 today and I'm still spotting. My temp dropped this morning so AF is definitely on her way. I'm going to end up with a shorter than normal cycle, so now I'm wondering if the Clomid is even working? I think that I'll do one more cycle with the Clomid and see what happens. If that does not work and my cycle is still the same in length and spotting- I'd like to see if there is another med I can use. Femara is an option I think, but it's going to be pretty expensive I think. Still trying to stay away from progesterone supplements because I'm petrified to have to remember it every day in order to not take a risk of miscarriage if I ever do get pregnant.

SA Results

SA results are back. I waited a long 10 days to get them on eggshells. They came back as normal, which is a great thing in the reproductive aspect. Mentally, it just reminds me that my body is the only issue preventing us from having a baby. I know I can't place the blame on myself because it's not something I can prevent- but it's still there in the back of my head.

Chop was great about it when I told him. He said that he has me and the kids, and that's all that matters. I know he'd love to have a child of his own though.

We are going to start saving money to have the HSG done. It's about $400 so it's going to take a while to save it up, since I refuse to use money that can go towards other things. Our "extra" money will just be used for that purpose.

I didn't chart temps this month, and barely checked CM, so I have no idea when I actually ovulated. We BD'ed for a good stretch though so I'm sure that it was at the right time. Therefore, I have no idea how many dpo I am, just that I'm on cd20 and had some very light pink/yellow stretchy sticky CM so I'm sure that AF is on her way again.

If you TTC a child and struggled--how long did you try? If you gave up, how long after starting to TTC did you decide to call it quits?