Here We Go Again

And yet again at 9dpo, I have started to have some very light spotting. It's the same as last cycle with Clomid. My temp is up, but still the spotting is not a positive sign. In a way, I am glad that we are skipping the next cycle (or maybe cycles) because I'm seriously ready to scream. In another way, it's just another few months going by that are going to cause my kids to become older and older. What a big age gap.

I wish someone could just say "No, you'll never have another baby.". I could handle that. The not knowing is driving me batty. I guess our next step is to have Chop go get all checked out and to make myself a follow up GYN appt.

Oh well..such is life.

No, that's not a pregnancy test- it's an ovulation test. I am pleased to see that the test line is nice and dark (which means it's positive), thus indicating that Clomid has not caused a change in my usual ovulation pattern. According to my chart, I ovulated on cd14. Now, I enter the TWW.

I'm out of Clomid and I have no follow up doctor appt scheduled. This is the last medicated cycle until I can get back in to see my doctor. I'm not sure I will know what do with myself without having to wake up at 530 on the weekends, take my temp, inspect CM and rush to the store for tests of all kinds. It may be a welcome break because this is becoming a chore. Chop had made a comment that it will "happen when it happens". I think he needs to go to the doc with me so this can be explained to him. I am not going to get pregnant without meds of some sort. And the window of opportunity is so small (3-4 days) that it's not like we can BD without some kind of planning. When we decide to call it quits, I will be having an IUD put back in because I refuse to suffer with awful periods and all the spotting I usually have and not have any shot at being pregnant through all of that.

I had a call into my doc last cycle about my spotting. She said my progesterone was ample for conception and that spotting is not abnormal if I had inadequate cycles previously.

Round 1 Results!

 FAIL

TMI Alert- Turn back now!

Ok, don't say I didn't warn you. Hoping to get some feedback from those who used Clomid on the symptoms I've had the past few days.

The Clomid worked in that it gave me a stronger ovulation and it did extend my LP. I had a 27 day cycle (YAY! Previously, they were 25-26 days). I did spot for 4 days though which was kind of a bummer.Yesterday, AF arrived. At first, it was a very dark brown with some black- NOT normal for me. Then, it changed over to it's normal color but why was it so dark to start? Is that normal after Clomid? Did anyone ever spot while on Clomid? I'm wondering if that's preventing implantation or if there had been implantation- if I would not have had the spotting?

Tomorrow starts round 2 of Clomid. As directed, I am going to take it (see, I told you I would when it came down to it LOL) days 3-7 at 50mg again. I am also going to cut way down on my caffeine intake, eat a little bit healthier and try to squeeze more walking into my schedule.

If this cycle does not work, we need to take break. Our wedding is August 16th and I would be due August 12th if we don't. We discussed and during that month break- Chop's gonna take a trip to the doc and get himself checked out to see if he has any male factors that may also be causing an issue. We also decided that if I end up being pregnant at our wedding, it's just something we will have to deal with. The only thing it would change would be my dress or at least some altering to my dress. I really didn't want another winter baby because that part of the year is crazy for us. My mom's birthday is Nov 20, Tyler's Nov 24, Thanksgiving- all in the same week. Then we have a 2 week break and it's Megan's birthday Dec 14, Kallie's Dec 18, Christmas and New Year's. At this point though, we are going to take what we get. Because I'll need another c-section, I'll be able to pretty much pick the most convenient day within a week or so of the due date so that helps.

As far as how far we will go, we won't do anything like IVF- mainly just meds and other things that aren't to much of an 'intervention'. Here's hopin' it works this cycle and we won't need to worry about the 2 w's---wedding and winter!

Labs are back

Progesterone levels are back. At 8dpo on cd23, my level was 10.something. Compared to my "barely 3" at cd23 a few cycles ago, my number is great. She did not suggest supplements or anything, but I am going to send an email and let her know about the spotting that started yesterday at 9dpo. Otherwise, she suggested another round of 50mg Clomid.

How do people do this for years?

I don't have the results of my prog. test yet, but I am calling for them in the AM. Today when I got home from work, I had some spotting. *Insert tears here*. I'm not sure if I am crying because it didn't work the 1st time or because I know what that means for the next cycle---it's my last one until April 2014. 6 months away. Because I know my LPD is going to get worse the older I get, that 6 months seems like an eternity.

I feel defective and broke. How did I go from 4 pregnancies between 19 and 22, and now I'm only 7 years older and struggling? I'm frustrated, sad and just annoyed. I'm one of those people who likes to things 'right' the first time. When I can't get it 'right', I tend to give up. That's what I feel like doing right now..because I can't keep getting my hopes up. Of course when the time comes and it's time to take Clomid again, I'll do it--but right now, I just want to quit.